My life is like Vodka. Looks like water, but its fuckin ‘Vodka’.
Well, if I rewind my life by six months, I was that- ‘One-for-the-little-guy-who-lives-down-the-lane.’ The scene is different now- ‘Yes sir, yes sir, three bottles full.’ Life has changed, from Bangalore to Pune, Dosa to Vodka. It hit me last night when I entered the chicken to eat some kitchen, that the secret to all my mental powers is a South Indian dish called ‘Dosa’. The day I left Bangalore, my brain left for window shopping and my hands have developed lung cancer. Hence, blogging came tumbling after. Anyway, coming back to ‘Dosa’, the dosas we get in Pune are like, wait, let me explain. Have you ever seen a chicken suffering from a Polio attack? Figure it out.
So, in my six months of stay in Pune, I’ve met a lot of people, one better than another. A couple of psychos fell for me, I felt like a senior ‘Psychologist’. Then made some long trips (not with the psychos of course), drove like a maniac, people officially called me a ‘Night Driver’ (Note to all the dirty fellows- I’m not a ‘Night Driver’.) They devised an outrageously stupid way to wake me up from sleep- ‘The-Hairy-Potter-formula’ (I’ll explain that some other time.) My heart-felt hatred towards Rakhi Sawant hasn’t died down one bit, and my love for Rajnikanth is still intact. (Take them as famous personalities and not by their gender. Hope you got it.) (Too many things inside the brackets I know, but it’s okay.) I’ve made enemies with the pigeons in my balcony. And then, made the quote- “Shit happens” as the wallpaper on my lappy. So summing it all up, amidst so much of Vodka, I miss my Dosa.
Since, this is my first post on this stupid blog and I need to pee urgently, I’ll just put up a few of my shitty quotes, and I will get back to serious writing next time. (By the way, ‘next-time’ is my favourite phrase in English.)
“Onion prices are high. If you send a farmville request now, i might actually consider it.”
“We went to a restaurant. He made a fuss when he found a small ant in his plate. I still cant understand, I mean I had a whole dead chicken on mine.”
“Exams coming up. That means you can call me for a drink and i would not say no. Do u call it combined studies nowadays?”
“My Principal once said he had three Principles in his life. The dirty minded I am, it took me four days to understand what he meant.”
“Successful people wake up early. So I have been thinking all night how they do it.”
“What makes the stupid dog next door think I’m his dentist?”
“I have a female friend who ate an apple everyday and ended up marrying a doctor. Who ever came up with such silly quotes.”
“Dear Monday you suck. Your colleagues Mr Saturday and Mrs Sunday are so much better. Dont take it personally but I hate you.”
“How about flocking FB with my status messages today? I ll maybe earn an appointment with Mr. Suckerbag ... Correct the spelling pls ...”
“There are worse things in life than dying. Have you ever heard me singing?”
“Ma heart is like an open highway!! So people stop anywhere they like and pee.”
“On a beautiful sunday evening, the orange sun peeking through my window on its downward journey, I was sleeping carelessly. A husky, sexy female voice came to my room and said- "I'm the girl you were waiting for all these years baby." Oops no, it actually said- "Your Avast antivirus has been updated.”
“If my spam mails meant anything in my life, I would have been a billionaire, married a widow and a model, won a hundred lotteries and had the best leather jacket in town by now. And yes, I would be thinking about another marriage by now.”
“One more Rajnikanth message in my inbox, i'll either break my phone or break your jaw.”
“I don’t drink Vodka.”
Well, anyway, I really need to pee now. See ya ‘Next-Time’.