Thursday, March 3, 2011


I want to slap someone ya. I mean, I’ve watched so many slaps in Indian movies and IPL cricket that I badly want to slap someone and feel the feel. I don’t want Sreesanth’s image to pop into my head right now please. Oops, it just did. I mean, that fellow Sreesanth, let me explain. The day he made his first appearance in the International Stage, the street dog in my street went missing. My next door aunty kept on yelling at her son- “Take bath you dirty fellow, you look like Sreesanth.” Birds took inspiration and built nests like his hair style. Coir companies are dying for samples of his hair. Bitches got turned on every time he came on screen. And, finally, people like me were instigated with the urge to slap someone. When Harbhajan slapped him that day, I was happily sitting in the loo deducting something. Once I finished my duties I made the mistake of watching those clips of him, his eyes all red, weeping and blowing his nose. Ok, I’m exaggerating, but, you know, I suffered from a bad constipation problem for the next six weeks. With Sreesanth, it was like ‘hate at first sight’ for me.

Anyway, coming back to the ‘slapping-someone’ part, nowadays I’ve been busy identifying ‘slappable faces’. Having a nice round cheek is a god given gift. But, that fortunately or unfortunately has become Sreesanth’s USP. Someone please get him out of my head. So yeah, a nice round cheek is a requisite. I thought a while about Rakhi Sawant, but then finally concluded that she is more a punch-on-her-nose types. I then stared at myself hard through the mirror and gave myself the Benefit-of- Doubt. Then came the image of that ‘He-knows-everything-except-what-his-daughter-is-doing’ uncle. But since I know what she is doing, and since I know a little too much of what she’s doing, had to drop the idea. Then, for a fraction of a second the thoughts of Himesh Reshammia passed by. But I let it pass by. A small ricochet of the slap onto his nose would end his career that very day.

So basically, I’m confused. The search is still on. Let me know if you have that perfect cheek. Take Care. Irony.

“My life’s been like Sreesanth’s hair. He needs a hair cut; I need a Drink.”